inSPIRITation

Archive for the ‘Spirit’ Category

Do you know someone who is so negative that it takes a toll on you? They constantly complain about their problems, but never put forth the effort to find a solution and when you try to help they pretend to listen, but later come to you with the same issues? These individuals are stuck in what is called a victim mentality. They are content with being negative, are addicted to misery, and get some kind of gratification when people feel sorry for them. They are the people who constantly complain about bad things happening to them and never focus on the good. This can be extremely draining for you and if you want a positive stress free life then you must let these people GO.

When people come to you and all they do is complain, then you have the choice to walk away. I used to feel bad and actually thought that I was helping people by listening to their complaints over and over. In retrospect I realize I was not doing them any good because I allowed for them to place more energy on their negativity and consequently my energy was always drained too.

So how do you deal with these negative individuals when you may care about and want to help them? You must care for yourself enough to let them go if you want to continue to move to the next level in your life, because you may not realize it but entertaining them is holding you back. Only surround yourself around like minded, positive people who will help uplift you as they are climbing to the top, who constantly take actions that will assist them to grow into better people, and most importantly people who listen to your positive advice because they trust and respect you.

Now, I will not tolerate any negative, toxic people, and surprisingly I cannot physically tolerate it because I am forced to walk away or get off of the phone when people choose to indulge in meaningless negativity. Of course we all have different issues and need to vent but there is a difference between venting and dwelling. If they are not making any effort to find a solution and will not take your advice then there is no need to continue entertaining them. I have been this person too but I chose to get up and find solutions to my issues because I realized that complaining was not giving me anything but more things to complain and worry about.

We all face issues and challenges, but it is solely our choice whether we want to sit and play the victim or take action to create a solution. We are only as good as the individuals we choose to surround ourselves with so not allowing negative individuals in our space is adding positivity to our lives.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance”

“How you treat yourself is how others will treat you.”

and

“You must love yourself first before you can love others and others can love you.”

I have heard these quotes a countless number of times, but never really sat down to contemplate the deeper meaning. Not realizing all that loving oneself entailed I would always say “I do love myself” but in hindsight I realize that my actions towards myself contradicted the thought. I say this because I was not caring for myself physically, mentally, or spiritually. I was placing others needs before mine, I was involved in one unhealthy relationship after another, I allowed myself to stay stuck in unhealthy situations, I allowed myself to be mistreated by others, I did not take responsibility for my own actions that were hurting me, I was not eating right or taking care of my body like I should have, and I was not engaging In activities that I love. Overall I was not putting forth the effort to make sure I was happy.

I put up with a lot of mistreatment from people because at the time I did not believe that I deserved any better. Healing has taken some time and I had to go through a lot of experiences, but now I KNOW that I deserve better. It all came to a head one day when I looked in the mirror and did not recognize myself. I looked tired, stressed, my appetite was not normal, my body was weak. I was not motivated. I was toxic and had forgotten about the long ways I had come on my journey. I completely lost myself. I had come to a complete stop on my journey and never thought I would get back.

But as you can see I did bounce back.

I believe that we experience certain things good and bad to grow into better people, share our stories, and heal others as well. It took for me to go through all of the things that I have been through to finally realize that “Hey I need to take care of myself I am just as important and this cannot go on any longer.” I now believe that how others were treating me was the result of how I was treating myself. I finally understood.

So then I began on a journey of self love.

I questioned how can I love myself? What specific steps do I have to take? I did research on this topic thinking there was this magical formula to loving yourself but it got me nowhere.
I finally realized that there is no set formula that needs to be applied you just have to take action. You know yourself better than anyone. You know how you treat yourself so you should create your own ways to love yourself.

You may say well “I do love myself” but sit down and make sure your actions are in alignment with your words.

Ways that I love myself:

I am much kinder to myself.

I say nice things to myself

I am patient with myself

If I make a mistake or don’t get it right the first time it is ok

I do things that make me feel good

I am my own inner COACH (See my article: COACH yourself to success)

I don’t entertain bad treatment or negative people in my life anymore

I listen to my intuition which has become quite strong, speaks to me through my dreams regularly, and is now also starting to speak to me on a regular basis in my awakened state.

I take care of myself before others: This is a big one because in the past I used to believe that if I didn’t cater to others then I was selfish. I would drop everything I was doing even if it was important to me just to satisfy other people, I was always left feeling depleted and unhappy. I thought I was providing a service to people when I was really tearing myself down. I was so used to doing for others that I did not know how to receive. I had to take a step back and realize that if I did not take care of myself first then how could I be of service to others. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE helping people but in order to help people I have realized that I have to help myself first. I constantly remind myself that I am just as important as others and need to give myself the same type of attention that I give to them. I used to engage in this behavior out of the fear of losing friends or mates but now I know that is ridiculous and I am now my first priority. If the people in my life cannot handle that and decide to leave, then I guess it wasn’t meant for us to be in each others lives.

Another biggie is that I think thoughts that make me feel good. If I am feeling down or am thinking a thought that makes me feel down I switch the thought to something that makes me FEEL better instantly it really works. (Look out for my article titled “What is your perception about life: The Power of Positive Thinking”)

Every time I pass a mirror I look into it with admiration and say nice things to myself. (I learned this from Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life (Gift Edition)(this is also listed in my miscellaneous category under favorite books) This is a phenomenal book it is one of my favorites and I highly recommend it.

I take care of my body by doing yoga, walking, drinking lots of water, and eating a Vegetarian/Vegan Diet.

I make time for myself to do the things that I love

I do not allow stress. I engage in activities that alleviate stress as soon as it comes up

I have filled myself up so much with the things that I love to do that now I totally understand the saying “You have to be a whole person within yourself before you can join together with someone else.” (The full story on my experiences with this is COMING SOON in a future article)

I have fully accepted the beautiful person I am on the inside and out. I am a good person and deserve to be happy so why not start by treating myself good.

Trust me if I can do it then you can too. There were times that I never thought I would get through certain obstacles but I did and as a result I am a stronger person. That in itself makes me love myself even more. I would not take back one thing from the past because all of those experiences have shaped the beautiful, intelligent, strong woman that I am TODAY.

Fall in love with yourself look past your flaws and imperfections, look at your inner beauty, give yourself a hug, accept yourself just as you are, don’t compare yourself to others, don’t let other people influence how you feel about yourself. Say nice things to yourself. Affirm to yourself that you are beautiful because YOU ARE.

Remember these quotes?

“How you treat yourself is how others will treat you”

and

“You must love yourself first before you can love others and others can love you.”

They make sense to me now because I am living proof of them. Hopefully they make sense to you too.

Love,

Keyana:-)

“You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere” ~Anonymous~

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure. ~Oprah Winfrey~

Our breath is more powerful than we realize. First and foremost, without it we would not be alive so we should be thankful everyday for just being able to breathe. But, the breath can do so much more for us. It keeps us alive, it relaxes us, keeps our focus on the present moment, and it can release past traumas we may be holding onto in our bodies in the form of tension, aches, and pains. There have even been reports of physical healing from breathing exercises.

Why am I writing about this topic? Well we often forget how important the breath is and I want to make you aware of the ways it can be used to your advantage.

I have learned to use different breathing techniques for relaxation purposes and I can honestly say that they have been life changing and have really opened me up. I use different breathing techniques for various activities like yoga, meditation, and when I am having a stressful day or situation I use breathing to calm myself down. You will be amazed at what it can do for you. Throughout the day I sometimes find my body to be really tense due to different emotions or thoughts that arise or outside influences that may cause stress. I pause to take a deep breath and center myself again so I can continue my productivity. It is really that simple. Slow deep breathing is a way to relieve some or a lot of the tension you may be carrying due to stress. Our bodies can suffer in the forms of tense shoulders, back pain, neck pain, etc. Here is an exercise that I do on a regular basis. Aside from meditation and yoga this has helped me tremendously in coping with different situations:

In the midst of chaos search for a space where you can be alone, your car will do just fine. Close your eyes, tune everything out, pay attention to your body, and release any stress you are holding in your shoulders or other parts of your body. You can release this stress or tension by taking a long deep inhale then exhale. As you exhale imagine yourself breathing out all of the tension and your body becoming more relaxed. Continue to do this until you no longer feel any tension in your body. By now you should feel overwhelmingly peaceful. If you are pressed for time and can’t make it to a quiet place just tune everyone out for a moment and take a few long deep inhales and exhales. Ahhhh it feels good doesn’t it? You can also use this exercise if you find yourself rushing to get something done or stressing over personal issues. Tune out to breathe slowly and deeply for just a few moments to get yourself centered again

I have also added the following stress relieving activities to my daily routine: Gentle Yoga 3-5x per week, I meditate everyday sometimes twice a day, and I absolutely LOVE to go for nature walks. Find what you love to do and do it. TRUST me it will make a huge difference in your life, the way it has in mine. I feel more open, clear, relaxed, rejuvenated, and it assists me with staying in the present moment. It really works wonders.

Remember when you feel any stress, tension, or uneasiness JUST BREATHE and it will melt away.

Love,

Keyana

This hits close to home for me because I used to be extremely hard on myself. If I made a mistake, hurt someone’s feelings, or even experienced being hurt by someone else I would think that I was a bad person or they were bad people. I came to understand that my actions and mistakes did not define me as a person they just made me human. Sometimes we may reflect on certain experiences we’ve had with such regret that we feel horrible and wish we could reverse them. Well face it you can’t change the past all you can do is learn from the experience and grow into a better person because of it. Every experience we have is a learning lesson and shows us a reflection of ourselves. We are all good people underneath the emotional walls built up from the hurt, frustration, and anger that some people have experienced. When someone does or says something mean or hurts another person in general they are hurting on the inside. I say this because a genuinely happy person would NOT want to HURT someone. Think about one of the happiest days of your life when you felt on top of the world. Were you mean or hurtful to others? Of course not because a happy person feels so good, they want to make everyone around them feel good too.

So the next time you experience or see someone else experiencing hurt from another person don’t let it bother you, have compassion for that person and what they may be going thru on the inside then move on. If you happen to be the one who wants to hurt or be negative to others then have compassion for yourself, stop to look within and ask yourself why are you engaging in this behavior? What unresolved hurts are you masking? Deal with your issues then figure out ways that you can become a better person. It is a process, but remember your ACTIONS do not define who you are. We are all good people inside who have endured certain life experiences and therefore this affects the way we behave towards others. Start to work on yourself to heal past and present personal issues. By doing this you can become a better you and inspire others to become better people as well.

Love,

Keyana